#FridayFictioneers ‘The Ransom’ #FlashFiction #100words

Posted byLucciaGrayPosted inBlog, Friday FictioneersTags:, , , , , , , , , , ,

It’s Friday, time for another Friday Fictioneers Flash Fiction story featuring Alice Pendragon and her family!

Thanks to Rochelle Wisoff-Fields for hosting the challenge, and to Courtney Wright. for submitting the photo prompt by a photographer who prefers to remain anonymous.

The Ransom

‘Alice! Are you alright?’

Alice held her throbbing cheek, too dazed to speak, and heard her father’s distorted voice coming from the kidnapper’s phone.

‘Her pretty face is still in one piece, for now, Kevin,’ said the kidnapper.

‘What do you want from me?’ asked Kevin.

‘My boss just wants to see his girlfriend.’

Kevin watched Clara wipe her tears.

‘Clara drowned,” said Kevin. ‘We all saw it on the news.’

The man laughed. ‘We found the pair of worn shoes by the cliff, but we know she faked her death.’

Clara gasped.

‘My boss wants his money back.’

****

To be continued…

I’ve made a few minor changes to clarify where the speakers are, as a result of a few comments: Alice and the kidnapper are together and Kevin and Clara are on the other end of the line.

My ‘Alice’ flash fiction written for the Friday Fictioneers Challenge can be read as standalones, but if you’re interested in reading previous stories of Alice’s adventures, here they are!

A quick recap of the two previous episodes: Alice and her mother, Marsha, caught Kevin on a date with another woman. When Alice confronted her father, she discovered the woman was her father’s half-sister, Clara, who was in serious trouble. Last week Alice was kidnapped, and this week the kidnappers have made their demands.

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Published by LucciaGray

Writer, blogger, teacher, reader and lover of words wherever they are. Author of The Eyre Hall Trilogy, the breathtaking sequel to Jane Eyre. Luccia lives in sunny Spain, but her heart's in Victorian London.

18 thoughts on “#FridayFictioneers ‘The Ransom’ #FlashFiction #100words”

  3. Okay, I’m going to take you at your word when you say you’d love to know my opinion. As a stand alone story, I found it confusing.
    The sentence that read: ‘My boss just wants to see his girlfriend, Kevin.’ brought me up short because it made me think the girlfriend’s name was Kevin. And then the next sentence mentioned someone called Clara – and I thought ‘where did Alice go? Who is Kevin and who is Clara?’
    When I read your recap it all became clear.
    I hope you take my feedback in the spirit in which it’s given – I’d hate to upset anyone.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

    1. Thanks for your feedback. There are difficulties writing a standalone when it’s a continuous story, but if I’m set on doing it, I have to get it right! So thanks for letting me know it was confusing.
      I thought it would be clear that Alice and the kidnapper were in one place and Kevin and Clara, on the other end of the line, were somewhere else.
      I also thought about including the recap at the beginning, before the flash, instead of the end. What do you think?
      I write lots of flash fiction, but FF is the only one in which I use the same characters every week, although the stories are not always consecutive / chronological.
      I’m under the impression it usually works, but I’m also aware that some episodes might not work out when they depend too heavily on the previous episode.
      Solutions: 1) use same characters but without consecutive/follow up episodes. 2) scrap Alice and just write a unique flash every week.
      I’ll think about it, but I’m open to suggestions.

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      Reply

      1. Luccia, I think this would have worked as a stand alone if there’d been a little more clarity.
        For example if you had said: and heard her father, Kevin’s distorted voice… I’d have known straight away who Kevin was. And then if you’d said: Clara looked at Kevin and shook her head… I’d have understood that Kevin and Clara were together on the other end of the phone.
        I appreciate that you’re incorporating the FF photos in an ongoing story, but it seems a shame for a story to require a recap for your readers. It’s not always easy to remember story lines when I read 60 or 70 FF stories every week.
        Thanks for being so gracious about my comments! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. Dear Lucy,

    This series continues to captivate me.

    I do agree with Susan re her suggestions to make this episode clearer. In addition, i suggest a division such as a wide space or line between the change from Alice’s POV to Kevin’s.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply

Thanks for reading, feel free to like, share and comment!

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